Mood: Want to ring in the new year with a bang!
Thoughts on the new year: Might actually right out some resolutions this year!
Somehow my bitterness is gone and I just want to greet a whole bunch of people with the happiness that a new year should bring. Perhaps it's that feeling of starting fresh and exploring new things. Knowing that I will have start a job search, knowing that my missions haven't been solved the year will come with a lot of stress but with that comes motivation to write stories of my experiences over here!
I'm looking forward to the new wiped slate. It feels like it could be a good thing! And I want to stay positive! And keep it real.
It's a weird balance, to keep it real. On one hand you're not supposed to care if someone stops talking to you for no reason and on the other hand you have to make an effort and act like you do care when you really haven't had a chance to figure out whether you do!
Well thats it. The evening has to start soon enough, good food, maybe see some friends, nothing crazy nothing spectacular but good all the same!
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Monday, December 05, 2005
Too many stresses
Current Mood: Pissed atthe World (oops, you didn't read me say that, I am angered by the world)
Well it's been a while since I've written here. My resolve to do so has been inandated with other things. I'm sorry for that. What can I tell you? There are too many potential people, who are not really potential people at all. They live in foreign lands and they see the world outside my perspective. I don't know what I am going to do and I don't know if what I'm looking for is something that exists or that I'm going to necessarily find. What I do know is that I want to be happy. I want things to work out in a brilliant way. I want to be attracted to the person, I want to think of them as an amazing friend, I want to be so comfortable and easy going and have fun. But I also want them to be part of my religion to believe in it (Islam and Culturalism's) to make it work with my own belief sytems, my parents, my whole exisitance of being. I somehow can't imagine it working any other way. Part of me feels like I shouldn't have to make the sacrifice of moving as well, but it seems that is something inevitable.Is it a pre-requisite that I have to be comfortable with? Is it something I'm just going to have to do without want? Now that I really really think about it, I think, why would I want to do that? Why would I want to leave my family, my friends, everything just to get married to some guy? IS that worth the other pieces of the pie? I'm not sure. Maybe a better sacrifice, is one of the above to stay here?? I'm not sure anymore. I gotta say I'm completely confused. Life is a bunch of sacrifices, I do understand that, but I think people have to work on things and stretch a little both ways. To say that you wouldn't even consider coming here, like it's a prerequisite to stay there, I dunno, that makes me a little uncomfortable. It means that you're probably inflexible. Well. I don't know. So I won't bother speculating others, I need to look into myself and determine what sacrifices I'm willing to take and what sacrifices I'm not. It seems that we as WOMEN, always need to make the bigger ones. It seems unfair, but I guess I gotta live with it or just screw the whole things altogether.
I'm sorry I can't write more in this post. But the good news is that we'll be getting another computer very soon. The new system, should be better, faster, nicer to use and well, I'm quite excited! And I can probably start to use chat!!Well goodnight for now. Wish me luck on my other endavours and ofcourse thinking this through. I have a lot more to say, don't worry!
Well it's been a while since I've written here. My resolve to do so has been inandated with other things. I'm sorry for that. What can I tell you? There are too many potential people, who are not really potential people at all. They live in foreign lands and they see the world outside my perspective. I don't know what I am going to do and I don't know if what I'm looking for is something that exists or that I'm going to necessarily find. What I do know is that I want to be happy. I want things to work out in a brilliant way. I want to be attracted to the person, I want to think of them as an amazing friend, I want to be so comfortable and easy going and have fun. But I also want them to be part of my religion to believe in it (Islam and Culturalism's) to make it work with my own belief sytems, my parents, my whole exisitance of being. I somehow can't imagine it working any other way. Part of me feels like I shouldn't have to make the sacrifice of moving as well, but it seems that is something inevitable.Is it a pre-requisite that I have to be comfortable with? Is it something I'm just going to have to do without want? Now that I really really think about it, I think, why would I want to do that? Why would I want to leave my family, my friends, everything just to get married to some guy? IS that worth the other pieces of the pie? I'm not sure. Maybe a better sacrifice, is one of the above to stay here?? I'm not sure anymore. I gotta say I'm completely confused. Life is a bunch of sacrifices, I do understand that, but I think people have to work on things and stretch a little both ways. To say that you wouldn't even consider coming here, like it's a prerequisite to stay there, I dunno, that makes me a little uncomfortable. It means that you're probably inflexible. Well. I don't know. So I won't bother speculating others, I need to look into myself and determine what sacrifices I'm willing to take and what sacrifices I'm not. It seems that we as WOMEN, always need to make the bigger ones. It seems unfair, but I guess I gotta live with it or just screw the whole things altogether.
I'm sorry I can't write more in this post. But the good news is that we'll be getting another computer very soon. The new system, should be better, faster, nicer to use and well, I'm quite excited! And I can probably start to use chat!!Well goodnight for now. Wish me luck on my other endavours and ofcourse thinking this through. I have a lot more to say, don't worry!
Too many stresses
Current Mood: Pissed atthe World (oops, you didn't read me say that, I am angered by the world)
Well it's been a while since I've written here. My resolve to do so has been inandated with other things. I'm sorry for that. What can I tell you? There are too many potential people, who are not really potential people at all. They live in foreign lands and they see the world outside my perspective. I don't know what I am going to do and I don't know if what I'm looking for is something that exists or that I'm going to necessarily find. What I do know is that I want to be happy. I want things to work out in a brilliant way. I want to be attracted to the person, I want to think of them as an amazing friend, I want to be so comfortable and easy going and have fun. But I also want them to be part of my religion to believe in it (Islam and Culturalism's) to make it work with my own belief sytems, my parents, my whole exisitance of being. I somehow can't imagine it working any other way. Part of me feels like I shouldn't have to make the sacrifice of moving as well, but it seems that is something inevitable.Is it a pre-requisite that I have to be comfortable with? Is it something I'm just going to have to do without want? Now that I really really think about it, I think, why would I want to do that? Why would I want to leave my family, my friends, everything just to get married to some guy? IS that worth the other pieces of the pie? I'm not sure. Maybe a better sacrifice, is one of the above to stay here?? I'm not sure anymore. I gotta say I'm completely confused. Life is a bunch of sacrifices, I do understand that, but I think people have to work on things and stretch a little both ways. To say that you wouldn't even consider coming here, like it's a prerequisite to stay there, I dunno, that makes me a little uncomfortable. It means that you're probably inflexible. Well. I don't know. So I won't bother speculating others, I need to look into myself and determine what sacrifices I'm willing to take and what sacrifices I'm not. It seems that we as WOMEN, always need to make the bigger ones. It seems unfair, but I guess I gotta live with it or just screw the whole things altogether.
I'm sorry I can't write more in this post. But the good news is that we'll be getting another computer very soon. The new system, should be better, faster, nicer to use and well, I'm quite excited! And I can probably start to use chat!!Well goodnight for now. Wish me luck on my other endavours and ofcourse thinking this through. I have a lot more to say, don't worry!
Well it's been a while since I've written here. My resolve to do so has been inandated with other things. I'm sorry for that. What can I tell you? There are too many potential people, who are not really potential people at all. They live in foreign lands and they see the world outside my perspective. I don't know what I am going to do and I don't know if what I'm looking for is something that exists or that I'm going to necessarily find. What I do know is that I want to be happy. I want things to work out in a brilliant way. I want to be attracted to the person, I want to think of them as an amazing friend, I want to be so comfortable and easy going and have fun. But I also want them to be part of my religion to believe in it (Islam and Culturalism's) to make it work with my own belief sytems, my parents, my whole exisitance of being. I somehow can't imagine it working any other way. Part of me feels like I shouldn't have to make the sacrifice of moving as well, but it seems that is something inevitable.Is it a pre-requisite that I have to be comfortable with? Is it something I'm just going to have to do without want? Now that I really really think about it, I think, why would I want to do that? Why would I want to leave my family, my friends, everything just to get married to some guy? IS that worth the other pieces of the pie? I'm not sure. Maybe a better sacrifice, is one of the above to stay here?? I'm not sure anymore. I gotta say I'm completely confused. Life is a bunch of sacrifices, I do understand that, but I think people have to work on things and stretch a little both ways. To say that you wouldn't even consider coming here, like it's a prerequisite to stay there, I dunno, that makes me a little uncomfortable. It means that you're probably inflexible. Well. I don't know. So I won't bother speculating others, I need to look into myself and determine what sacrifices I'm willing to take and what sacrifices I'm not. It seems that we as WOMEN, always need to make the bigger ones. It seems unfair, but I guess I gotta live with it or just screw the whole things altogether.
I'm sorry I can't write more in this post. But the good news is that we'll be getting another computer very soon. The new system, should be better, faster, nicer to use and well, I'm quite excited! And I can probably start to use chat!!Well goodnight for now. Wish me luck on my other endavours and ofcourse thinking this through. I have a lot more to say, don't worry!
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