'Click'

Current Mood: Bored. .
Summary of thoughts: How can it go well, but not well?

I went on a date last night. To be honest, I had already written off this guy (god i hope he doesn't read this, then again, he already knew that - I was kind enough to tell him that a couple months ago, but telling the whole world.. now thats a completely different thing entirely). Ok back to the point... I wasn't that enthusiastic about this particular meeting. I was going along with it for four main reasons (in order of importance): 1) His friend who set up us is kinda-sorta my friend too. 2) I thought the distraction might help me 3) I realize that I should give him a chance - especially since his attitude was so positive 4) A night out on the town couldn't hurt and the practice was always good.

So we met up. We had some dessert /coffee / tea. We talked. Mostly serious religion stuff / relationship stuff. I realize I can't talk about that stuff openly and honestly. The words just don't come out of my mouth. I had no energy. I felt like I was going to fall asleep on the poor guy. Then I had that immense feeling of guilt. The guilt poored into me, mainly because I felt like I was being a bad host. His first visit to my city. When he asked if I wanted to hang out and do something beyond the coffee, I agreed. We settled on a drive... I figured one might as well 'see' the CN Tower if they're in Toronto for the first time. The hour drive turned into a couple of hours. It was actually quite fun. I felt a lot more relaxed and as we drove I realized how much there actually was to show a person about Toronto! We must have drove west on bloor, college and queen st about 6 times each before we figured out how to get where we wanted to go. Somehow, I dont' remember all those one ways and 'no right turn' signs everywhere. Well anyways, we had Sharmwa before we took a final look at the skyline via gardiner expressway (going the wrong way though, the eastbound view isn't as good as the westbound) and headed back to where I had parked my car.

I got home about 4 hrs later then I thought I would. He had to call his 'uncle' about 3 times to change the time when to expect him. But sitting here. I know theres still something missing. I need to Click. I need that feeling of "YES". I need that 'i want to jump you but thats completely out of character so i won't feeling'. I can't deny that's really want I'm looking for. It's a split between beliefs, personality, comfort and tingles. Tingles is a word they use for chemistry, physical attraction and more? I don't remember the name of the movie I got it from, but I'm sticking to it. That's my story.

Current Mood: bummed out.

So on Monday I emailed. I asked the ultimate question "Do you want to meet or not?" Well, I used slightly less ultimatum-ish words. I kept it casual. He hasn't "thought" about it. Apparently theres more to it then I know but he hasn't followed through with whatever that could be (even though he said he would). So I'm at a lost. I have no cause for being pissed off. I can just be bummed out, but I realize that's not a very positive thing to be either..so I'm just going to move on. Move ahead. Look forward. Don't Look Back in Anger