needs

Mood: restless
Latest happy moment: Seein a link to my blog on Isheeta's! :)
Realization: my writing is always better when I'm in moods of true angst
Insight: this post should be good - I can feel the angst gutted in me

So you're curious? Why is she so restless... come on boys & girls.. isn't it obvious. I need a man. Yes. I've decided that I've waited long enough - he better show up soon because otherwise I may have to resort to other measures.. is there such a thing as a muslim nunery? I made a pack with a friend to 'run to a nunery' as soon as we got sick of the search.. well what happenned? She got married almost a year ago. Yep that was the last time I was a bridesmaid... get this that was the third time - remember the saying: always a bridesmaid never a bride - it fit me completely! But.. get this, another friend mentioned to me that I'll be a bridesmaid at her upcoming wedding, ohh god another one.. And then another friend is getting married this fall and it's highly possible I'll be in the bridal party then too.. geez louis. I'm getting sick of this... and why don't any of my wonderful friends have cute guys attending their wedding? Why oh why???

Well anyways.. rant I shall not about weddings. My rant today is supposed to be about culture and guys today. I'm a muslim gal in Canada. I'm just looking for someone who can attest to the same values I do - AND have a personality AND be okay looking. I'm not even asking for a cutey - although that would help matters along quite a bit. I'm just saying, be kewl.. not highschool cool, just geeky kewl. Chillaxed but religious, with values and a sense of confidence. Why is it so *freaking* hard to find that?? HUH?? Give me a good reason..

Ok.. I have limitations beyond that - but even if I didn't - where would I find these other random men? My friends keep saying "just open yourself up to any muslim". My response "and exactly how will that help?". See the point is this: I only got a couple of friends that are muslim that don't go to my mosque.. and they're just as disatisfied with their selection of guys as I am - so what use will it be? Sure - I could use a little more Shaadi.com and hook-up with some local guys that way.. but heck.. that is not the goal here - I'm trying to find someone I can develop a sustainable relationship with. You know the type that won't ditch you after 3 emails (if it gets that far!!)

well.. I'm sorry. this post was supposed to be good but I'm sleepy now and writing has just made me cranky. Sorry. Wait.. Why AM I apologizing? This is the way I FEEL!

goodnite folks

when love's not in the air

V-day. Or D-day or something like that. I vowed that I would not become all sappy and depressed today. This day this year, and future years to come. It's a stupid holiday anyways. Right?

I guess the problem is that I am struggling to find my 'ideal' relationship of sorts. I keep entering these 'meetings' these set-ups, whether of my own doing (internet dating) or set-ups (aunti-ji's & the marriage committee - yup those exist). And yet I'm never content with them... always finding something or another that's wrong with them and then I discount them and feel rotten afterwards. I knew the local boy was no good for me, but I feel rotten for ditching him today. I mean, I could have been one of those people out tonight - celebrating the event rather then bitching about it. But really - I knew it wasn't going to happen, so why do that?

Maybe I should ignore relationships for a while? Get some detox? Thats the thing, no one lets me do that. It seems, I keep turning new leafs as there is a constant stream of people. I don't know how thats possible, but it is. Sometimes they disappear though (a friend setting me up with her relative, and then it doesn't happen). Those upset me, I'd rather not know about it if its' going to end before it started.

I guess I'll just have to keep posted. Maybe love will knock me down by next year? Maybe. . but i highly doubt it.

Anyways, for those of you singles out there, happy non-v-day! Lets celebrate, lets share our love to each other.. and all that sap!

another end

And when he said "I think I turned into an alcoholic that summer" I knew it was over. No doubts left, no need to continue evaluating the pros & cons of prolonging this relationship beyond it's normal end point. No point testing out the whole "having a relationship" thing vs. the figure it out "in one shot deal" thats the usual for me.