Optimism: It wasn't love at first sight!
Current Mood: Jealous
So this guy that I sorta-kinda liked is meeting some other chick today. Our communication since our first meeting has been kind of varied. Part of me knows that he sorta-kinda liked me too. But - in situations like this there is always a BUT in the way of everything! He lives in the US and can't cross the border. So the only way we can meet is if I go there. Which actually isn't really the problem. The problem is communication. Like I got an invitation but I also knew that he was talking to some other girl and thats why I hadn't heard back from him. And then we got in touch again only for more longer periods of non-communication......so in my head I have developed this person to be really great......based on nothing in particular and soley weighted with the good stuff.
So the thought of me making a special trip down there... it just seems pointless...like I'm going to scar myself emotionally one more time when I know he's moved on.... My logical brain is much btter at preventing me from being stupid. But somewhere my heart keeps saying...go for it....all you have to lose is your pride (and mmhmm dignity and self-respect and err don't for a second forget the increased emotional scarring says the logical brain once more).
So why am I still thinking about it? I've analyed this to pieces - every step of the way. I think part of me is intrigued because this is one of the very few people I've ever met that I've liked. At first, I just thought of him as a friend - there was no physical attraction but we hung out one day and as I was returning home and was bymyself I couldn't help thinking about how fun it was and how nice it felt to be around someone I'm comfortable with. So perhaps it was more the idea of someone rather then actually being him. But I guess it's one of those things I'll never know.
I really wish him to be happy and I hope that his quest is more sucessful then mine but a little part of me really hopes that it is misreable (atleast this time). Thats the jealous girl that needs to grow up and be happy for people despite her own feelings of mischance. I hope - I can learn to squash that jealousy out of my system and fast....besides jealousness is a trait of the dark side of the force.
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I went thru this last year.
Was friends with a guy on line, cuz we were studying the same thing. We talked about study, then talked about jobs, then work life, and finally it came to talking about finding someone.
It hit us "we both get along great, knew each other for while and are again in same stage, why not us"
I did make the trip across ocean to meet him (but couldn't meet). so we walked away taking that as sign. He is getting married in few weeks. Its been a year since we gave up on "us" but still bothers me.
I don't want him, just hate that he found someone and I didn't. It could've been me, all set now
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