Misake #1

Optimism: Flowers are blooming!
Current Mood: Emotional

Hello fellow muslims, girls or anyone else curious enough to read my blog today.

I come from a relatively small community. We try to marry from within. I guess I'm trying to stick to that expectation for several reasons. Most of which I find extremely difficult to explain mostly because it just seems obvious. Let me try anyways. It'll be easier. For the kids. Well atleast that is the idea. Most kids don't want to have anything to do with religion by the time they become teenagers. Maybe we do it for the parents. That makes more sense to me. We do it for ourselves to make our lives easier and in doing so we make our lives more difficult.

I know people who have married "out" who are perfectly happy and I know people who have married "in" who are perfectly miserable. I also know of just the opposite. So where does that leave me in this great debate? I'm going to try to make my future life easier by struggling now. Am I really struggling? Well chances are I'm not meeting any Mr. Perfects (muslim or not, the "right type" of muslim or not) so I don't have to worry about the details!

That brings me to state this: A couple months back, I didn't care too much about this marriage/relationship stuff. Sure, I wanted to get married sometime in the future. I knew I was expired already at the big 2-5. It just wasn't a big deal. People all around me where getting engaged and I was happy for them. But it didn't have to be me. I was happy as can be. Enjoying my single self - every so often thinking it would be nice to meet someone but it wasn't a focal point nor a sore point at that.

I'm not sure what triggered the change of heart. Perhaps it was the fact that I wasn't working crazy overtime at my job - so I suddenly had a lot more free time on my hands. Or maybe it was the spring weather that brought all the happy couples outdoors and into my line of vision. Or the wedding invitations that my parents started getting in the mail every couple of days.

Unfortunately, or as my mother would see it as fortunately, something in my little head said "you better start looking". As I see it - That was mistake #1. It has opened up a can of worms I'm not sure I'm ready for or prepared to deal with at the moment.