The Past

I tell my sister, forget about what happenned yesterday or last week, or years ago.. focus on the present, the future. Look at what you can do to change the circumstances that you're in now and move forward with your life. Is that good advice? I wonder..
I wish that sometimes - especially when it comes to relationships, I'd heed that very advice. I'm terrible when it comes to love. I remember the good and the bad and all the inbetween of every relationship (even if it's the exchange of one email). I hold with me the occurences of real potential, I reflect on them, I tell myself that I don't reject "everyone" that I have found people with potential.. but then a friend pointed out to me something very intriguing and essentially true "where are these guys". What can I say? I've never suceeded in having those I was truly interested in - wanting the same thing with me. Admittedly two had potential - I could see their interest in me too - but somehow they both decided against it. Did I drive them away? Were they really interested in me? Was I reading the signals right? What did I do wrong?
My heart holds on to them - reminding me that it is possible to find a man that has a good balance fo the qualities I'm looking for: Normal (good / comfortable to talk to - chemistry, somewhat religious - attends mosque, educated, sense of humour, no nasty habits (ie drinking, smoking, drugs), good looking, outgoing / confident). Is this so much to ask for? I know the looks thing is vain, but lets be honest.. if I can't imagine being in your arms.. then it's just not going to work out. If I can't look at your face - then theres a problem.. no matter how good a person you are...
So girls out there, are you having the same problem as me? I have met a couple who meet most of the criteria.. but I just haven't given them a real chance.. at least that's what I justify myself with.. At this point, I'm tired of meeting guys and I just want to meet the guy. Why won't he find me? I'm here, waiting for him..

I wish you girls who are with me the same. I hope that today and tomorrow, I can look for him without having to remember the past ones, wishing that he (one of the two is married already, that I know of) will come back and renew things with me. I know he's no good anyways. I should just let go..but I can't.. but my dear readers already know that...

all for now..